Life Recently cont.

Sam, Patrick and I lived together about a month. As a result of the stroke,Patrick was not able to dress himself nor do many tasks of daily living.I was desperately trying to find a caregiver for him.Since we live in a rural desert community, many people were not able to drive the distance to our home. When I did finally get someone that we all loved(Anita),she had to leave due to severe asma which was agitated by dog hair and Patrick's constant cigarette smoke filling the house. After losing Anita, Patrick agreed to smoke only his room.
Through a series of phone calls and referrals I was able to locate another girl (Barbara.)During this whole process i was growing increasingly exhausted and was glad to have Barbara helping out. I didn't want in any way to alienate Barbara.
Barbara was only twenty and mouthed off at me whenever it suited her, but I wanted to work with her for lack of choices and to take opportunity for us to learn to work together.
Barbara and I did develop a friendship, although I never considered her a hard worker,but
Patrick loved her. Barbara was a beautiful, slender, young brunette which did not go unnoticed. Patrick was no dirty old man,but appreciating a beautiful brunette giving him a bath was not beyond his abilities.Even with a caregiver coming to the house 34 hours a month(all that could be afforded) Patrick did not have enough help. He continued to make constant demands on me and also on Sammy.
Sammy was very courteous and willing to do what Patrick needed and if anything, living with an ex boyfriend and a current lover turned out to have its down side.
At first, the two of them got along famously and unchanged material on whatever they had figured were my shortcomings. I was blasted with well thought out material. Both of them agreeing to the truth of my shortcomings.
Bolstered by their increased sense of credibility, I was being yelled at, jealously possessed by, demanded upon, retaliated against and needed by two rivaling men who both wanted me to take care of them.
I'm thinking, where did I go wrong? could I have avoided this? Why can't I have a nice normal life?all I have ever tried to do is to make the very best choices i can moment by moment in time as presented, and as i review my decisions ,i don't think i could have done anything better in the spacetime that existed and in context of who i was and what my needs were. ie: I was doing my best.
My inner peace found in the simple words,"it's hard.Its hard, because it's hard." I was trying to make dealing with a loved one having stroke easy, and it wasn't. Somehow realizing that eased my mind.