Events finally landed Patrick in the emergency room where he collapsed from the fourth in a series of strokes.I have figured that if you are going to collapse, the emergency room is probably the best place to do it.
Patrick had been adamantly refusing hospitalization. He slipped through crack after crack in a medical support system that insisted his treatment be voluntary.
Patrick's brother had to hire a private ambulance to get Patrick to agree to go the hospital. Frank said,"trying to get Patrick medical treatment was like loading a rhinoceros on to a zoo truck."

Parick didn't have a nice clean comfortable stroke...

It started two days before Patrick's birthday. I was going to take him to Sizzler and then we were going see the new Star Trek movie.We are both die hard Trekkie's and were excited to see the new flick.
I went into town early by bus. Patrick and i had planned to meet at Sizzler before the matinee around 2pm. I have strained to remember Patrick before I left on that day,
but have been unable to. My last memory of Patrick being the o.k., brilliant, normally insane Patrick was about two weeks before his stroke when he prepared a teriyaki steak dinner.
The meal had a variety of delicately cut vegetables and meat. The meal left a wondrous impression. Patrick was a good cook.
Patrick showed up to the restaurant seeming confused. I realized he was wearing his shirt and his shorts backwards.I hurriedly helped him to turn his shirt around (he had difficulty doing it himself,) and I shepherded him into the restroom encouraging him to turn his pants around.
During lunch, he wasn't able to handle listening too much to my rambling conversation (which was not unusual), but his attention span seemed even shorter than usual.

Remembering A Quieter Time...

I wrote this piece two years before Patrick's stroke:
Yes, you can kiss me while I'm playing my guitar.
I'm sitting on our front porch waiting for the county bus to the city.
I can do errands, stop into a thrift store to buy little forgotten treasures that no one sees the value in, but you and I.
Perhaps along the way, I will find a a multicolored super ball where a child bounced it far from reach. It hit the pavement and slid off into a hidden place for me to find.
I will bring it to you, a treasure to fill your wooden boxes with, secret treasures for your inner child.
Or perhaps i will find a broken piece of pottery with pretty designs of blue colors or pieces of flowers still visible in the shard.
Yes, you can kiss me while I'm playing my guitar.

I will call you from town first chance I get .My love waits behind with our three goofy dogs on our sandy desert land. We are surrounded by living Christmas trees we plant every year.
Fifteen years we have been together, and I still love to be with you.
I feel strengthened when you hold my hand.
You speak of a time 20-30 years from now, when you're dead and buried. Speaking Plans to protect me as you often do. I say, let's live life today and forget tomorrow. Forget trouble, death and sorrow. Let's be grateful for our quietness. We have climbed difficult roads before, both together and before we met, and I have no doubt life is hard.But for now let us be thankful for what we have, for birds and rabbits and lizards and sunrises that we watch from our from our back porch.
Life is being good to us.
And in case you were wondering and didn't want to disturb me,
yes, you can kiss me while I'm playing my guitar.

Is It Just me, Or Is Everyones Life Chaotic?

Sammy came complete with violent history, and I in no way excuse Sammy for what he did.Patrick was not at fault for what happened and the burden lies only on Sammy for his behavior.
Sammy provoked Patrick into a fight. Patrick did not respond physically or verbally. According to Patrick, Sammy punched Patrick in the arm and slammed him against the open refrigerator door. Sammy's reasoning was that he was trying to protect me from Patrick's intense verbal abuse. I did not witness the event. I was in the other room and heard Sammy verbally provoking Patrick.
Before the incident,when i saw that Sammy was starting to verbally turn on Patrick which he had not done up to this point , I warned Sammy to leave Patrick alone.
I gave a pep talk to the two men complete with attempted group hug, that we should all live in peace.I did not believe Sammy capable of hitting a stroke patient.He did.
Patrick was not inclined to call the police, but instead offered Sammy the opportunity to back off with a promise to stop drinking.Sammy continued to verbally provoke Patrick until Patrick got on the phone and placed the 911 call. The Sheriff showed up within a few minutes and took Patrick's report. The Sheriff said, "this is a he said she said situation," and since there were no witnesses, nothing could be done. Patrick had to came forward to insist the arrest be made(I think this is called a citizen's arrest.)Patrick said he would do anything it took. The police officer ran Sammy's ID and apparently found out that he had five warrants...or was it six? Exit citizen's arrest, enter arrest of wanted criminal.

I am trying to remember where I left off and what was the point of what I was writing? I think I was trying to write about Sammy hitting Patrick.
The friendship between the two rivaling men still involved the female...in this case me the person who managed to find herself living with an ex boyfriend turned friend and a current lover.
Patrick was angry at me for having taken a lover after his stroke, certainly a legitimate anger that I did not fault him for... but there was another element to Patrick's character ...he was angry for being unable.
He was subject to severe temper tantrums that involved some of the worst verbal abuse that I have ever been subjected to.I spoke to several people who had experience with stroke patients and learned that extremes in temper were not uncommon among stroke patients.

Life Recently cont.

Sam, Patrick and I lived together about a month. As a result of the stroke,Patrick was not able to dress himself nor do many tasks of daily living.I was desperately trying to find a caregiver for him.Since we live in a rural desert community, many people were not able to drive the distance to our home. When I did finally get someone that we all loved(Anita),she had to leave due to severe asma which was agitated by dog hair and Patrick's constant cigarette smoke filling the house. After losing Anita, Patrick agreed to smoke only his room.
Through a series of phone calls and referrals I was able to locate another girl (Barbara.)During this whole process i was growing increasingly exhausted and was glad to have Barbara helping out. I didn't want in any way to alienate Barbara.
Barbara was only twenty and mouthed off at me whenever it suited her, but I wanted to work with her for lack of choices and to take opportunity for us to learn to work together.
Barbara and I did develop a friendship, although I never considered her a hard worker,but
Patrick loved her. Barbara was a beautiful, slender, young brunette which did not go unnoticed. Patrick was no dirty old man,but appreciating a beautiful brunette giving him a bath was not beyond his abilities.Even with a caregiver coming to the house 34 hours a month(all that could be afforded) Patrick did not have enough help. He continued to make constant demands on me and also on Sammy.
Sammy was very courteous and willing to do what Patrick needed and if anything, living with an ex boyfriend and a current lover turned out to have its down side.
At first, the two of them got along famously and unchanged material on whatever they had figured were my shortcomings. I was blasted with well thought out material. Both of them agreeing to the truth of my shortcomings.
Bolstered by their increased sense of credibility, I was being yelled at, jealously possessed by, demanded upon, retaliated against and needed by two rivaling men who both wanted me to take care of them.
I'm thinking, where did I go wrong? could I have avoided this? Why can't I have a nice normal life?all I have ever tried to do is to make the very best choices i can moment by moment in time as presented, and as i review my decisions ,i don't think i could have done anything better in the spacetime that existed and in context of who i was and what my needs were. ie: I was doing my best.
My inner peace found in the simple words,"it's hard.Its hard, because it's hard." I was trying to make dealing with a loved one having stroke easy, and it wasn't. Somehow realizing that eased my mind.

I did not kick Sam out when Patrick came home.Sam had been very helpful to me and I felt indebted to him for having taken care of me after I was discharged from the hospital.
Patrick and I were broken up, but because we owned the house together neither one of us could kick the other out.Sam was willing to help Patrick even if it was to help me. When Patrick got home in his 250 dollar taxi cab ride, the first thing he did was fall. Since his wheelchair had not yet been delivered, I had a series of chairs set up for Patrick to make his way into the house. The chair he transferred to first broke underneath him and he collapsed halfway in the taxi and halfway out.Sammy lifted him to another chair that I grabbed from the porch.Sammy assisted Patrick into the house and it looked to me that Sam and Patrick might be able to to form a constructive relationship if not a friendship.